(quick edit: I just added some pictures to the previous posts and this one. Since my old scanner won't attach to my new computer and my old computer is dead, I just had to take a picture of some of the photos, so they are fuzzy at best and downright bad at worst!)
This blog post may not be the most exciting one as far as plot is concerned. By the end of October, Paul and I were back together. By the end of November, I was getting a little freaked out because things were getting "dang serious." Hopefully nobody minds that I will continue to quote my journal here and there. It's just the easiest way for me to summarize what was going through my head. We were seeing each other at least once a day at this point and Paul had finally gotten a job... the previous lack of a job was something that was giving me a LOT of grief.
Anyway, right before Thanksgiving, I wrote, "The way things are going, I'm going to marry Paul. This would not be a bad choice, but I can definitely see where our problems would be. It's like I've always known, you pick your problems with any guy." I'm glad I understood this concept at that point in my life. One of the struggles I was having was that it wasn't a fairy tale, it wasn't fast, it wasn't OBVIOUS that this was the guy I was supposed to marry. It was LIFE. We were compatible emotionally and physically, had many common interests, shared the same values and had faith in the strength of each other's character. What it came down to was, I had to make a CHOICE, and that was the only thing I was extremely afraid of... making the choice and then living with that choice with all the GREAT and all the less than great things that came with it... for time and all eternity!
So, I did a LOT of soul searching and fasting and praying (and crying and panicking too, but not everyday) during the months of December and January. I finally realized that if he surprised me and asked me to marry him, I would want to say yes, but I would also want to feel peaceful about that. I have to add here that we were both getting lots of opposition at this time, adding to the turmoil and making peace very difficult to come by! But I finally decided that I would make the choice of "yes." Next, we picked a day to fast and pray about it together, and then ended our fast with a trip to the temple. We did all the pre-endowment ordinances and then met for a session to decide how we felt about taking the walk upstairs to the sealing rooms on a later date. Thankfully, through this process, I came to feel peace about marrying Paul! It wasn't an earth-shaking revelation with angel visitations (not that I was expecting that!), but it was a calm knowledge that I could accomplish my life goals with Paul as my partner... and that's all I needed to know.
I wrote down a fun quote in my journal that represented my feelings of excitement. It said,
"Yippee! I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer! Now, here I stand a stronger soul and all I've lost is fear!"
Later that evening, (it was February 5, 1999) Paul and I went ring shopping so I could show him the styles that I liked. From there... I left the next step up to him!
Anyway, right before Thanksgiving, I wrote, "The way things are going, I'm going to marry Paul. This would not be a bad choice, but I can definitely see where our problems would be. It's like I've always known, you pick your problems with any guy." I'm glad I understood this concept at that point in my life. One of the struggles I was having was that it wasn't a fairy tale, it wasn't fast, it wasn't OBVIOUS that this was the guy I was supposed to marry. It was LIFE. We were compatible emotionally and physically, had many common interests, shared the same values and had faith in the strength of each other's character. What it came down to was, I had to make a CHOICE, and that was the only thing I was extremely afraid of... making the choice and then living with that choice with all the GREAT and all the less than great things that came with it... for time and all eternity!
So, I did a LOT of soul searching and fasting and praying (and crying and panicking too, but not everyday) during the months of December and January. I finally realized that if he surprised me and asked me to marry him, I would want to say yes, but I would also want to feel peaceful about that. I have to add here that we were both getting lots of opposition at this time, adding to the turmoil and making peace very difficult to come by! But I finally decided that I would make the choice of "yes." Next, we picked a day to fast and pray about it together, and then ended our fast with a trip to the temple. We did all the pre-endowment ordinances and then met for a session to decide how we felt about taking the walk upstairs to the sealing rooms on a later date. Thankfully, through this process, I came to feel peace about marrying Paul! It wasn't an earth-shaking revelation with angel visitations (not that I was expecting that!), but it was a calm knowledge that I could accomplish my life goals with Paul as my partner... and that's all I needed to know.
I wrote down a fun quote in my journal that represented my feelings of excitement. It said, "Yippee! I did the thing I feared the most. Excuse me while I cheer! Now, here I stand a stronger soul and all I've lost is fear!"
Later that evening, (it was February 5, 1999) Paul and I went ring shopping so I could show him the styles that I liked. From there... I left the next step up to him!
1 comment:
You guys look so cute! I am so glad that you put pics on for us. Its so fun to see how young the two of you were. Great story.
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