This last Saturday, I put myself in a situation that I HATE being in. Even though it sounds so STUPID, I rediscovered another insecurity that I have yet to address, let alone conquer. It is my complete inability to be a HOSTESS!!
It was my turn to host our card exchange club this month. Each month, we get together and all of us make 20 cards (2 designs, 10 cards each) to swap with one another. So far, I've been to each girls' home and they are all beautifully decorated and perfectly presented. The refreshments they provide are always "just so" and delicious! I always enjoy card exchange because of this (as well as the fact that they all make adorable cards!). I enjoy it infinitely less, however, when it's at my house. This is just not one of my talents and it drives me CRAZY!!!
I spent some time on Friday night picking up the front room and cleaning the kitchen, but left much of it for last minute morning stuff. Being the procrastinator that I am, I then stayed up until 1:15 a.m. making my cards. I got up the next morning at 7:30 and decided to go against my first instincts (to go to the store and buy something) and actually MAKE the refreshment myself. I went with those yummy "oreo" chocolate cookies with frosting in the middle. It wasn't difficult to make the cookies, but it did take a huge chunk of my time. By the time I was finished, the front room had been picked up, but it wasn't anywhere close to being perfect. The kitchen surfaces were cleaned up, but there were toys and just "stuff" all over the kitchen floor. I had cookies made, but no other perfectly coordinating refreshment on hand, so when the time was right, I brought out the milk and gave the option of a Diet Pepsi with Lime! SO LAME!!!! Plus, I still had wet hair and no make-up on when my first guest arrived. Thankfully, it was my old neighbor. The whole time everyone was here at my house, I just felt like I needed to apologize for all the books left on the side tables and I kept glancing at the few things I didn't pick up in the corner and the spots on the carpet that could be scrubbed up. I refrained from dwelling on it, but I was miserable. Once the cards were exchanged, I mentioned the cookies and NOBODY got up to get one. So, I took the plate around. Even this made me nervous!
I don't know why this is so hard for me. Okay, that's a lie. I know EXACTLY why hostessing is hard for me. It's because I am almost in every way "domestically challenged". I've admitted before that I hate cleaning. Unfortunately, that's not just deep cleaning, I also struggle with just keeping things picked up. This is something all my friends learn quickly about me, because I can't hide it, even for a little while, that my house is ALWAYS in some level of cluttered disarray. The saying, "If you came to see me, come on in! If you came to see my house, make an appointment!" doesn't even work all the time. I can know you are coming, get the main rooms picked up and semi-presentable, but don't peek through that closed door over there! As I was drying my hair with Felice in my front room already, I just had to chant to myself, "I can't do it ALL, and that's okay. I can't do it ALL, and that's okay." I really wanted to feel okay, but I didn't feel okay about it.
So, I guess my home is the "something" in "something's gotta give". I've been told before, "I don't know how you do it!" This is always a reference to the fact that I work several days a week. And then I have to say to them, "I don't. I don't do it all. My house is a total mess." I'm not proud of this, but it's just a fact. I don't know how to make it look like we don't live here! I'm afraid much of it is due to my selfish and lazy nature. I do work hard at my job throughout the week. I have 2 boys in school and a family to educate, love, and feed. I've been training and working out as much as I can fit it in. I try to attend my WW meeting each week. I'm involved in several hobby-related clubs, including book club, this card exchange group, and my Stampin' Up! business/stamp club. To be honest, I don't want to give up any of these things, and by the time some of these things are taken care of, I'm plain tuckered out! So I guess my challenge is that I have to actually convince myself, and not just tell myself, that it IS OKAY!
Insecurities are such an interesting part of life. For EVER, I've been insecure about my weight and my body. I admit that even a year ago, I didn't believe that I had it in myself to actually lose this weight. I was the "fat one" in both families... and it sucked. So now that I've taken some control over this, I've been feeling stronger and much better about myself. I'm sure this hostessing situation was a good thing, though, to help me keep a level head!
Well, I want to end this post with a shout out to those of you who DO have this talent! I could list off a bunch of you, but don't want to leave anyone out. I want you to know that I'm VERY impressed and wonder to myself, "how do they do it?!" To those who struggle with this (as well as a myriad of other insecurities), know that I understand!
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4 comments:
I bet you are the best company and conversation though! Besides, there is so much more to life than a perfectly clean house!
Seriously-- I feel like I clean all day every day and my house is still always a mess.
You have to put some, no, much of the blame on having three little boys. We both know they can mess any room up faster than you can clean it. The odds of having a clean room, or a clean house for that matter, are pretty slim. I know it is that way for me. My house is always a mess, and it really stresses me out. But at the same time, I have too many other things to do with my time than clean constantly. Some people can. It's their "thing." But you and I have other "things", and I kind of like my other "things" a lot more than cleaning. My trick - I do a lot of decorating up on walls, etc, to keep guest's eyes off the unmopped, toy-strewn floors.
I know what you mean about the hostess thing. It is really hard to get the timing just right, with preparing the food, cleaning, and getting myself ready. They are all kind of last minute things, and it really stresses me out when I have only finished one of those three things when the doorbell rings. Then the whole time the guests are there, you keep seeing messes and disgusting things that you know they are taking note of. They aren't. You see much more of that mess than they see, believe me. You company is what they come for, after all.
I don't remember seeing any "piles", the cookies were delicious, and it was a great card exchange day. I couldn't even tell that you were miserable. Thanks too for serving the cookies--maybe we were all just too lazy to get up. You did a fine job. Thanks for hosting.
ps. I just found your blog off of facebook. hope you don't mind if I stalk it:)
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